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You might know the feeling: You’re 45+ and itching or maybe even desperate to change your life, but don’t really know how to. Does that sound familiar? Yes? OK, don’t despair. You’ve come to the right place.

G.R.O.W

These are situations where the G. R. O. W. model can be an extremely helpful tool. It helps you see things a lot clearer. Sounds good, right?

If you are not already familiar with this model, you probably wonder what it is and what G.R.O.W. stands for.

The G. R. O. W. model is…..

In a nutshell, the G. R. O. W. model is an effective, simple 4 step model/process used to set goals and/or solve problems. It is widely used in coaching.

Having said that, even though it is a simple method, it is not always easy as a lot of self-reflection can be necessary depending on the situation at hand. But that’s probably not a surprise if one wants to change her life.

The acronym G. R. O. W. stands for…

• Goal
• Reality
• Options
• Will

Ah, OK, and how can that help me, you wonder?

Even outside a professional coaching session, this model can be helpful if you feel you need a bit of guidance when looking to make a decision.

By asking targeted questions, it can help you bring structure and therefore clarity to your goal setting/problem-solving.

These questions can be uncomfortable at times. So bear in mind that it is crucial to be 100% honest with yourself to get the most out of it.

Let’s have a look at each of the 4 steps to change your life:

Of course the G. R. O. W. model is not only for you if you’re a woman who wants to change her life at 45+ . However, at that stage you might not be willing to make changes on a whim anymore like you maybe used to do some twenty years ago.

Goal:

At first, you need to identify what it is you want to change and very importantly why. Otherwise, it would be a bit like opening a very detailed map of Narnia to find the way to… where exactly? You could end up working very hard on changing things just to find out at some point that you were headed in the wrong direction the whole time.

The trick is to set your goal in a way that you will actually achieve it. How you can do that is covered in detail in my post “Ready. Set. Goal!”

 

Important:

Keep in mind that you can only set goals for yourself, never for others.

Of course, you can set them with others

• like a coach would do with a client or
• if you are a group of people like a family who set a mutual goal.

But everyone who needs to take action to achieve the goal needs to own it, too. You will find more on how to properly set a goal at my post “Ready. Set. Goal!”

Reality

In order to reach that goal, you need to find out where you are at the moment. What is your current reality in view of your goal? Where are you at? What does and what doesn’t work for you? If it is a bit of both which is very possible, both sides need to be taken into account.

Options:

This one is probably self-explanatory. You have thought about what your goal is and where you stand right now. So now it’s time for you to figure out which options you have.

Don’t be shy and don’t hold back. Just have a little fun and go crazy during the brainstorming session you have. What might seem out there now doesn’t look all that wacky once you’ve given it enough thought.

It is only during the next step that you will weed things out.

Will:

And, last, but by no means what so ever least: What are you willing to do to get where you want to go?

Just because there is a goal we would like to reach doesn’t mean we are willing to do so at all cost.

Let me give you some examples of different areas in life:

I am always grateful for examples I can relate to when someone explains something to me.

Relationship Status:

Let’s say Cora feels lonely a lot lately and is sick and tired of being single.

Her GOAL could be something like:

• A year from today I am in a happy, fulfilling relationship with a wonderful man/woman. Of course, she will note the date – however else would she know when the time’s up?

Next, her CURRENT REALITY. Well, I don’t know that, of course, but it could be something like:

• She lives with her mother and is working 14 hour days Monday through Saturday — How does this work for her? Probably very well regarding her career, but not so well regarding her social life.
• On Sundays, she spends quality time with her mother — What do you think? How does this work for her? Very well for the relationship, she has with her mother. Not so well when looking at interaction with people who might be a potential partner.
• She does all the housework — Works well in the respect that the house is always in shipshape, but it doesn’t work well for Cora’s well being as she hardly has a minute to herself.
• And, because her mother is such a little worry wart (no offense to the imaginary person or any real one who worries easily), she doesn’t dare to come home any later than 9.30 p.m. (10 p.m. if she does the grocery shopping after work) — Again the question, how does this work for her? The only upside I can find in this is that she gets to decide which groceries are being bought. But it probably ends about there. She has no time for herself.
• She has loads of money, but not really any time to spend it — this works very well for her financially.
• The only personal interactions she has are those with her mother, her colleagues, and customers at work. But those are usually rather superficial. And her relatives when she visits them with her mother on the odd Sunday afternoons — This works well for her as it is some interaction outside her home and work. And who knows, which friend one of her cousins might bring along one day.

So, what are her OPTIONS? Let’s see…

She has thought long and hard about them and is not particularly crazy about some of them. But here they are:

• Since she is practically rolling in dough, she could hire a maid and an au pair. The maid will take 80% of the housework off her shoulders. And the au pair would make sure Cora’s mother has someone who is looking after her when she’s not around. Like this, she could stay out a little longer than usual and would not even be half as stressed.
• She could put her foot down at work and tell them that enough is enough. As much as she loves what she does, she intends to have a life as well. Of course, she would do that in a much nicer way for diplomatic reasons.
• Meanwhile, she could get back in touch with her old friends and start going out with them.
• Looking up trust-worthy match-making platforms with a great success rate might be a good idea. Come on, it is not like that anymore. After all, things have changed, and this is not a solution for the hopeless cases anymore, but more for those who know what they want and have no time to waste kissing a load of frogs.
• She could find Meet-Up groups where she can hang with like-minded people and at the same time expand her social circle.

And now, what is she WILLING to do?

The big question with all the options (and I am sure there would be loads more) is: Which of the options she found will she actually follow through with?

This is a crucial point.

All the options in the world won’t do her any good if she’s not willing to act on them.

Bottom line is that she puts herself out there. That she gives Prince or Princess Charming a better chance to know of your existence. Throw yourself on the market, so to speak. But don’t overdo it, of course. After all, you don’t want to blow your chances by being too obvious and seeming desperate.

OK, on to the next example.

Learning a skill

I guess this is a bit simpler.

Monica wants to reach a conversational level in Portuguese as her fave holiday destination is Brazil.

Her GOAL could look something like:

On March 31st, 2020 I can speak Portuguese at a conversational level. I can go to a new friend’s house/bar/cafe and have a decent conversation about any topic.

Her current REALLITY might be:

Now it is your turn to figure out what is and isn’t working for Monica.

• She has no Portuguese other than “Valeu!” and “cerveja” at the moment.
• So far she always managed as many people speak English in the touristy places in Brazil.
• She always wanted to explore the country a bit more but never dared because of her lack of Portuguese.
• Her budget is a bit on the tight side at the moment, so she doesn’t have the means to take any 1 to 1 classes.

The OPTIONS Monica has found after searching the net and talking to actual people could be something like:

• She could take a group class one or two nights a week.
• There are free online language learning tools X, Y and Z she could practice with.
• She could find a language buddy close by with whom shw could meet up to practice.
• She could ask her Portuguese neighbor if he/she would please only speak in Portuguese with her.

Again, with the above listed options, what will she be willing to do?

I’m sure you get the picture.

Let me recap.

To G. R. O. W. towards your dream life

• You set a goal – make it one that is meaningful to you, one that you can visualize clearly.
• Next, you check your current reality. Where are you at in your life right now regarding your goal?
• Now, you have a look at your options. Brainstorm without holding back. Jot down everything you can think of you could do to get “there”.
• Then you narrow it down and decide what you are willing to do to reach that goal of yours. Keep in mind that your honesty regarding the size of the bites you can actually chew is crucial here. If you’re not honest with yourself and bite off more than you can chew, you’re only setting yourself up for frustration. You might even think this doesn’t work and give up when all you’d need to do is take smaller proverbial bites.

Depending on your decision regarding your willingness, you might have to alter the goal. And that’s totally OK. After all, you want it to work for you.

It can be hard, to be honest with oneself. Especially when we are looking at our current reality, the options we have, and what we are actually willing to do to reach our goal.

But sometimes it is just as necessary to get our butts outside that cozy little comfort zone of ours so we can make the changes we desire. And to change your life at 45+ might just be a little more uncomfortable, ’cause chances are you’re a tad more set in your ways than you were back in your 20’s.

What is it YOU want to change? I’d love to know. So, please share in the comments or drop me an email.

Whatever it is, make sure you use the G. R. O. W. model so you can be very clear about it and then set the goals so you will achieve them.

The following related posts may be helpful too:.

“Ready. Set. Goal!” – Set your goals in a way so you will achieve them.

(Just) Get Started! – The longest journey begins with the first step.

As always, have a fantastic day.

I’ll hopefully see you back here soon.

Rena xx